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-An Article By Shachi Maheshwari
Career GuidanceWe have gained the basic understanding about EQ in last article. The bigger and important part is how we can work on enhancing it. Enhancing emotional literacy by increasing awareness and knowledge of feelings, by being accurate in identifying them helps an individual. Identifying the reactions which reoccur due to thought, feeling and action helps a person to deal with it in a better way. We discussed about the elements of different skills which define emotional intelligence as a whole in a person. We also understood how much it impacts when we are up the success ladder. I now would lay some simple ways to develop these skills so that every person can work on them:
  1. Emotion is a language
    Being fluent in this language called “Emotions” improves a person to know when he is sad, happy, feeling drained, angry, stressed, annoyed, relaxed, etc. Sometimes a person may not have words to express and hence, learning to express your emotions helps a person to communicate better with others and makes him look sound, genuine and reasonable. A person becomes aware that he is feeling anger within, can choose to just not speak or respond; but if he does not realize he is feeling that way, he will distort other things also which he may handle at that moment and can’t express it properly. This eventually results in mental agony for that person and unnecessary stress in two ways. One he is not aware what is happening with him and other he is not able to express properly which results in a loss from health as well as happiness perspective which in turn results into lower productivity.
  2. Tagging the feelings
    If a person learns to define or tag his feelings, he can actually work around a process to handle that. If tagging is effective, the pattern also can be known and confrontations in the corporate and personal world become a lot easier for the person.
  3. Be an observant
    Being an observer reduces the intensity of the problem. If you can’t do anything on the situation, just be an observer instead of reactor. Pay attention to the way your feelings affect your state of mind and try to get detached from that point in time, so that you can calm down yourself and be in a peaceful state. Acknowledge emotions, not as good or bad, right or wrong, but as a source of information that help you gain self-awareness because certain arguments gain nothing, so better to just observe yourself and find a way to just handle yourself and not the situation or people at that point of time.
  4. Actions and Reactions
    It is important to understand that every time we react on something which we do not like, it is more of a counterproductive act rather than productive one. Also every thought is connected to a feeling and feeling in turn with our mind and mind reflects through not only our voice but through different organs. Like a person who is too rigid to share the information might suffer from a rigidity of the body in the form of constipation. A thought of anger affects our nerves in the brain. Some people shiver because of anger. Some people can’t speak up their opinion and hence, might suffer with throat disorders.
  5. Every emotion is genuine
    Emotions should neither be suppressed nor be categorized as good or bad. Every emotion is the result of your thoughts and if there are thoughts, then only the emotion will be generated. If you want your feelings to change, you need to work on your thoughts; because if those thoughts are the same and the feelings keep generating but you control to express it, it might tantamount to suppression. If our emotions need to change, that changed emotion also must come from within or else it is sheer suppression. They exist to help us. It is vital to recognize that emotions are providing valuable information and hence, overcoming the mindset of categorizing the emotions into good and bad is not wise. Like emotion of fear reflects our attention on a threat and motivates us to protect ourselves, sadness reflects our attention on a loss and helps us recognize what we care about. Do not fight with your own emotions if you want to improve emotional intelligence.
  6. Knowing your pattern or trigger
    Your ability to recognize where you are heading or what is your pattern will help you improve your emotional intelligence; it can be a sentence, a sentiment, a person or a behavior. One more point of understanding is that our thoughts are the result of our perceptions, assumptions, notions and beliefs. When we’re already afraid, we’re more likely to interpret something as a threat. So it’s essential that we check within ourselves and know where we stand, what our own biases could be in that moment. Self check is the best check to resist over reaction or wrong behaviors because of misinterpretations.
  7. Negative sarcasms and easy offenses
    We must learn to use communication as a tool to express and not put hurdles in our life. People who take unnecessary easy offenses actually can learn to take things just as data sometimes and resort to non-responsiveness; this would add to mending or non-spoiling the relationships. Every relationship you handle needs sound use of your emotional intelligence. There is no need to be offensive or defensive with trivial things and resort to disguised communication it only hampers the relationships.
  8. Work on your patterns to simplify
    Remember the purpose of emotions is to focus our attention and motivate us towards a specific course of action. This only could help you knowing your patters which can be molded to your benefit to enhance your relationships, behavior and understanding about where your peace and happiness lie actually.
How can a person determine he is progressing?
  • When your mind seems more at peace
  • When your heart is happy
  • When you are relaxed most of the time
  • When you are cheerful about interacting in every situation
  • When your span of feeling that way is increasing If you are experiencing all the above, it can be determined that you are progressing in the right direction.
“This is how you can build your mindset:
- A positive intention can lead to a beautiful thought
- A beautiful thought to a great feeling
- A great feeling to an accurate emotion
-An accurate emotion can help you always to be constructive in all your endeavors
-A constructive person always gets back many folds in life from each and every arena.”

Author: Shachi Maheshwari
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Published on 9/22/2018 3:20:00 PM

"Life Lessons", a book by Shachi Maheshwari
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